Absolutely Fucking Everything Has To Be About The EU

Everything in the entire fucking world now has to relate to the upcoming EU referendum, it has emerged. 

As the recent murder of MP Jo Cox is immediately and shamefully reduced by the media into a steaming pile of anti-Brexit propaganda, experts warn that EU-related bullshit has reached dangerous new levels.

According to professor Euan Douche, infuriating EU prattling has reached saturation point. “Don’t you dare fucking ask me what I think about the EU. I fucking mean it.”

Alarming new reports suggest that reliable small talk phrases such as “brrr it’s cold today isn’t it?” and “been busy lately?” have been almost completely phased out and replaced by EU-themed bollocks such as “so… in or out?”

“It’s fucking mental,” says pub enthusiast Paul Barnes. “I used to be able to talk about mindless garbage with my friends on a night out without it descending into a heated debate about what Brexit would mean for our fishing quotas. Now those nights just seem like a distant memory.”