Because Everyone Gives A Shit What Charlotte Church Thinks

Pop singer Charlotte Church has said some things on her social media account, and everyone cares for some reason.

Intellectual powerhouse and political expert Charlotte Church, singer of socially conscious smash hits such as “Moodswings” and “Crazy Chick”, has whipped the internet into a frenzy yet again, mostly due to people Googling who the fuck she is.

After making headlines during last Summer’s anti-austerity protests, where she wandered around London with a placard shouting things like “grrr, austerity is rubbish!”, the controversial singer has waded into another high-profile political debate that she knows absolutely fuck all about.

In response to Nigel Farage’s resignation as UKIP leader, Church tweeted “I want my European Union back you piece of shit!!!!!!”

She was soon overwhelmed with criticism from “trolls” on her Twitter page and was “shocked” at some of the mean things people said to her, even though she had literally just called someone she doesn’t know a “piece of shit” in front of thousands of people over the internet.

“Trying to engage in politics as a pathetic attempt to stay relevant has nothing to do with this,” said Church in a recent fictional interview. “I’m just so mad that the youth of Britain have been denied the chance of living within the confines of a stifling, tyrannical, fundamentally undemocratic political union. I’ve cared deeply about this for weeks now. Buy my music.”

“I base my entire reality on what trendy celebrities are saying”, says complete moron Paul Fuckbrains. “Even embarrassingly irrelevant celebrities like Charlotte Church, who are conveniently reintroduced into public consciousness every time there’s a national debate or some large protest regarding something they’re completely unqualified to talk about.”

“I voted for Ed Miliband because a comedian told me to. What makes you think I wouldn’t allow my opinions on Brexit to be manipulated by another washed-up entertainer?”

But Seriously…

Did you know that the Facebook “Trending” news section isn’t necessarily a reflection of what content users are currently engaging with, but actually a carefully devised set of vetted topics chosen by a team of editors? Check out the leaked documents.