Bring Back The Chemtrails, Say Sweaty Truthers

An anti-geoengineering group, who normally protest against the widespread spraying of stratospheric sulfate aerosols, have reversed their position after becoming “absurdly hot” during the UK’s current heatwave.

Lead researcher for Condensation-Fails.com, Betty Swollocks, released the following controversial statement yesterday afternoon:

“As you all know, we’ve been campaigning against the reckless chemical alteration of our precious atmosphere for years, but after three full days of clear blue skies, it’s become obvious that we simply can’t handle nice weather any more. We’ve become too absurdly hot to continue.

“Maybe chemtrails are like pints of lager. They’re obviously not great for us, but you can’t deny how cooling and refreshing they are on a hot, sunny day.”

Various prominent activist groups condemned the website’s shock statement, but some conspiracy theorists appeared to sympathise with the sentiment.

“I can see where they’re coming from. I’ve had to take six cold showers today, and it’s only 9am,” posted one agitated activist. “I caught myself thinking, ‘If only a giant milky haze of toxic nanoparticles could just cover the sun for a bit’. I was fucking roasting though.”

Note: The Daily False Flag uncovered that Condensation-Fails.com was recently bought out by Bill Gates. However, when contacted about this, Swollocks insisted that the takeover hadn’t affected the organisation’s stance on climate engineering whatsoever. 

But Seriously…

  • Did You know that CIA Director John O. Brennan recently discussed the potential benefits of implementing a stratospheric aerosol injection (SAI) program? The video below shows him expressing his interest in geoengineering technology at a recent address at the Council on Foreign Relations (a powerful international think tank) in Washington.